So last time we talked, I told you I was going to be really lame and boring, and talk to you about weight loss and fitness. Perhaps you don’t find it boring. Perhaps you are going through the same thing? I mean, it is July, and do you really want to have a 42 inch muffintop protruding from that itty-bitty-polka-dot-bikini? DO YOU?! Not that mine is 42 inches but you know, its big enough…that is, big enough to look huge in said polka dot bikini.
I took drastic action. I will be on the beach in T-2 months. I look like I’m pregnant, but I’m not. I have been so desperate, that I was inclined to take action off of a geek blog. No doubt, it helps to get fit when dudes feel the same. Plus, my boyfriend’s cousin is here, and he is F-I-T. Little bastard. I wish I was as tanned and fit as he was. And he’s 18. So what action do I take? Well firstly, I am trying to go from this:
to this:
Of course, not so drasticlly, but I do need to lose about 20lbs, and it just so happens, that if I focus hard enough, I can achieve this by September 1st. Now, I know what some of you may be thinking, and to be honest, I couldn’t agree more. Firstly, losing 20lbs in two months is massive, and most people lose that much in a year. Of course, I’d be happy to do it in that time period as well, but there’s nothing like setting a target for yourself. I don’t want to be like some girls, who take it so far that they’re controlling their diet to say, a cucumber a day, and 82 cigarettes, with maybe a hint of diet coca-cola (which is kind of like the second Mischa Barton photo and is representative of Jade from Britain’s Next Top Model. Poor girl. This is why I prefer America’s Next Top Model, they’re less bitchy, yes I did just say that, and they’re real women. Not skinny flag-poles, mostly, waltzing around. I mean, how cute was that little shy French chick on cycle 11?).
So on Sunday, I took my hefer ass out the door, and I ran. At first it was torture. I won’t lie. But then, once I got into a rhthym, I progressed form 1 minute running/1 minute walking, to 3 minutes running/1 minute walking, to sprinting for 3 mintues at a time, to running 4 to 1 minute walking, and so on. I couldn’t walk the following day, but I was so stoked that I still had it. A fit runner stuck in a hefer’s body. A Mischa Barton stuck in Kirstie Alley. A….you know what I mean.
Every January, a guy at my office sends round an email, asking if anyone would like to take part in the JP Morgan Corporate Challenge. A 5.6km run that takes part all over the world. The fastest time wins a place in the New York Marathon. Of course I signed up. I thought you know, I had 7 months to prepare, right? So is it any surprise that I just started ‘training’ on Sunday? In other words, my run on Sunday went so well, that I thought with confidence today after already backing out of the run, that hell, I should do it anyway, because otherwise, I’d have to run 3k normally on the tredmill, so what the heck! Let’s run 5.6km through a park! With 5,000 sweaty, fitter people! And make my work colleagues wait 3 hours for me to complete it! Because there’s nothing better then getting into that polka-dot bikini.
I changed my diet too. Kinda. What did I change? First, I now eat breakfast. Yes, I still consume the Red Bull on the train and the Starbucks in the office, but now I also eat something solid. Secondly, I have halved my dinner proportions. The main idea behind this, is the more you eat in the AM versus PM, the more chance you have of burning the calories. We’ll see.
Nevertheless, I am a slightly thinner heifer! I weighed 74.8kg on Monday, and I am now a svelte 73kg! And no, I didn’t stop drinking water, so its not dehydration that’s caused the sudden weightloss. And no, I didn’t cut my hair either. And yes, every morning I weight myself as naked as possible after I’ve peed. So it is serious. I have lost nearly 2kgs. From running. And clenching my butt cheaks, a lot.
So welcome to my exercise programe. If you like, I can share some of the body-pumping, Arnold Schwezenagger-enthused moves I’ve been putting down in front of terrified Shih Tzus, alongside my innovative running plan where the number one rule is Don’t follow training plans!
Wish me luck at tomorrow’s race. As I said to my boyfriend: “I WILL PROBABLY DIE, BUT AT LEAST I WILL DIE SLIMMER!“
1 Comment
August 31, 2009 at 7:34 am
Once I’m fully recovered, I will once again join you on your weight-loss regime. Although I doubt I’ll lose 20 lbs in 2 months… I DO hope that I’ll lose 30 pounds between September and June next year… and keep it off…